Demented Dementor Defender
by Justagirlcalledbob
Summary: AU THIRD YEAR! For some reason, when Harry trys the patronus for the first time, it works only his patronus is a...GIRL? Watch and laugh as Harry and Mira his self claimed patronus turn Hogwarts upside down! ABANDONED.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nada, eeeexcept for Mira. REMEMBER I OWN NOR HARRY POTTER AND ANYTHING ELSE BESIDES MIRA AND THE PLOT.

"So you see, a patronus is a happy memory that drives away Dementors." Professor Lupin explained, and Harry nodded. "OK, now focus on a happy memory and speak the incantation." Lupin ordered, smiling at him. Harry focused on a fuzzy memory of his parents, and yelled, "Expecto Patronum!" A swirling mist came out of his wand, and formed into a humanoid figure. "WHAT THE FUCK!" Yelled a girl's voice with an American accent. Harry jumped with astonishment as the mist cleared, and his patronus was a…girl? The girl had waist length hair, and a pretty nice body. She looked extremely pissed though.

"WHERE THE FUCK AM I? I WANNA KNOW…. Ooohhh shiny things!" She yelled, but faltered when she saw the shiny glasses on Harry's face. "Wait a second, who are you miss?" Lupin asked, confused. "I'm Mira, and …I think I'm a patronus?" She asked, looking around. "MEEHGA!" She chirped, and floated around a bit, examining things. Suddenly, she noticed Lupin, and squealed loudly. She was across the room in a flash hugging him. "What.the.bloody. HELL?" Lupin said slowly, bewildered. "WOOT LUPIN IS SO SWEEEEET!" She yelled, hugging him tighter. "Um...please...get off…please…" Lupin stuttered, his body was starting to react to a lovely young woman hugging him. Harry decided to leave at that point, and Mira was forced to follow him.

"You ruin all my fun." She pouted soulfully, making the teen backpedal. He raised his wand to get rid of her, and she cringed fearfully, to his shock. "Nonononono! Please don't send me back! It's dark and there are evil things that want to hurt me!" She cried pathetically, Harry could even see translucent tears making their way down her face. "Alright…But could you leech off the magic of Hogwarts instead of me for a while?" He asked wearily, putting his wand away. She nodded and beamed, before floating away. "What are you doing?" He called, and she turned her head grinning. "I'm gonna explore!" She yelled, before floating around the corner.

Harry yawned as he sat down at the Gryffindor table, for reasons unknown he really didn't feel so energetic. Suddenly the doors burst open, and Mira came gliding in with a smirk on her face. "Mira!" Harry yelled, waving her over. She grinned and appeared in the seat next to him. "Where were you last night?" He asked curiously, as she watched him eat. "You really don't want to know, cuz if you do….hehehehe…." She cackled, making Harry raise an eyebrow. "S'alright?" She asked, smirking at him. "S'alright." He agreed, and continued to eat. "Harry, the hall's staring at me…" Mira whispered in his ear, and he looked up irritated. "Haven't you seen a Patronus before? God, Take a picture it lasts longer!" He snapped, and all eyes left her immediately. He noticed Mira beaming, and asked her why. "You're absorbing some of my pop culture and phrases!" She explained, before sniffling, "I'm so proud." And wiping away a fake tear. "So what class do you have?" she asked, raising a transparent eyebrow. "Potions." He answered, his shoulders sagging. "Well no prob! I'm exxceeelllant at Potions! Yeaaah Boooy!" She whooped, clapping a transparent hand on his shoulder. She floated away, and he followed her to the classroom.

Upon entering, Snape sneered, "I'm afraid I don't allow patronuses in my class potter, get rid of it!" The air tempeture dropped, and Harry felt very sorry for Snape when Mira began to pulse red with anger. "OH, NO YOU DON'T YOU ASSFUCKING COCKSUCKING DONKEYBANGING SON OF A WHORE!" She roared, leaping at Snape. Harry blanched; those were….very impressive swears. He raised an eyebrow when Mira began throwing black fireballs, and Snape ran out of the room cursing while Mira's threats followed. "Whoa." Harry commented, smirking very slytherinishly when Mira's mood swung faster then a snitch with a speed charm. "Whoa is right Scarman." She chirped, before floating out. Harry had no choice but follow her.

"So, since you scared the hell out of Snape, what do ya wanna do?" He asked, realizing with a soft of satisfied jolt he now had an American accent. "Um… dunno, you know any good hair color changing spells? Cuz I could make ya look better. Or we could go bother the Slytherins insanely. That's always fun." Mira mused, her hand on her chin. "Bothering Slytherins sounds like fun." Harry decided, and Mira leant over and whispered the plan in his ear. They peered around the corner, and fortunately for them, Malfoy was incoming and fast. They hid in the corner, sniggering quietly.

Draco was just minding his business when he turned the corner. But suddenly, Potter and his Patronus popped up, swaying a bit like puppets. "Hi I'm Harry Potter." Potter chirped in an overly British voice, and the girl chirped, "And I'm Mira Sparrow." He stared at them, had Potter finally gone insane? "Let's go bother Malfoy!" Potter suggested, and the girl Mira replied, "Righto!" They swayed over to him like puppets trying to walk. They started poking him, saying "Bother." When he finally was getting pissed, they ran away giggling. "YOU'RE INSANE POTTER!" Draco bellowed at their backs, wide eyed.

Harry and Mira ran into the Gryffindor common room, and collapsed laughing onto the floor, leaving the other two occupants to stare at them. "Harry what's so funny?" came Ron's voice, and Harry only laughed harder. "We bothered Malfoy! Woot!" Mira yelled, before collapsing into giggles again. "Pitbull!" Harry yelped happily for some reason, and Mira grinned. "Pitbull." She agreed, smirking at him. Ron and Hermione stared at them, for some reason their friend was becoming more…_outgoing_, and they didn't like it.

IID: "Yay! Hehee…BOTHER!" Runs away after having poked the reviewers.

Severus: "MY god.. Mira's vocabulary is….impressive…" blanches.

Mira: grinning like a maniac.

Harry: grinning like a maniac.

Everybody: "REVIEW OR BE ATTACKED BY THE POTTER PUPPET PALS WHICH WE DO NOT OWN!"


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: OWN NOTHING. NADA, ZIP, ZERO. SO LEAVE ME ALONE! RAWR!

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Ron cast angry glance over to where Harry was, chatting with his-oh-so-perfect patronus. He knew that Hermione also felt the same way about the stupid bint of a spell. Harry had developed an absolutely ridiculous American accent, and was ignoring them more and more. Ron knew that Harry thought he liked him as a friend, but oh, was Potter wrong. Ron knew he was just leeching off of Harry's fame, and he liked it. "We've got to do something about that bloody spell." Hermione growled, from where she sat across from him. "I agree, Potter shouldn't be allowed to mingle with that bloody rebellious bint. Our plans will be ruined if he allows that spell to go on longer. I'll have a chat with him later; I'll make him see sense." Ron agreed darkly, smirking. The two Slytherin in Gryffindor clothing kids continued scheming, unaware of a single person who heard their plans, and narrowed their eyes.

"Haven't you ever thought that Malfoy might be dying his hair?" Mira asked shocked, as the pair ambled around the grounds. "Nooo…Not really, cuz his dad has the same hair coloring idiot." Harry countered, smirking at her. It was a few weeks after Mira had first appeared, and she had made Harry look all the better. He now had grown his hair long enough for a short ponytail, and the tips were dyed a deep blood red. They had gotten Madam Pompfrey to give him a sight correcting potion, and now his emerald eyes sparkled daily without the restraint of his glasses. Mira for some reason had started developing color, and now her hair had a slight reddish shade, and her eye color had turned completely violet. Her skin had taken on a honeyish color, and her lips had taken a rose shade. "Well, I dunno, maybe the older malfucker dyes his hair too?" Mira offered, slightly impatient to make Harry see her side. Harry just laughed, smiling at her.

Severus watched from a distance, as Potter and Sparrow as his patronus called herself, ambled around the grounds, joking and laughing. He knew he should hate the spell for what she did to him, but he couldn't find himself too. Every now and then, he would find her talking to herself, making plans. What surprised him is that the girl knew about Dumbledore's true nature, and schemed to get Harry to know the truth. He also knew that in spite of her outward nature to him and the Slytherins, she respected him greatly. He let out a big sigh, as Sparrow whapped Potter upside the head, and raced off towards the entrance of the castle. Suddenly she stopped, and looked _directly_ at the window he was standing in! He froze, as she winked at him, before she continued into the castle and out of sight.

"Harry, I gotta talk to ya about something, in private." Mira whispered in Harry's ear, as they left potions. "Okay, but where?" He asked, taking in her serious expression. "Come on." She led him to the Room of requirement, which was currently in a state of a simply living room setting. "Sit down Harry." She said shortly, before pacing. There were a few moments of silence, before Mira stopped pacing and looked at Harry. "Harry, I'm afraid you're not going to like what I'm going to tell you, but I need your word that you'll give me the benefit of doubt." She explained in a solemn tone, her violet eyes hardening. He nodded, and she sighed. "Sirius Black is innocent. Think about it, why would your parent's best friend betray them? You see, Sirius convinced your parents to switch to their other friend, Peter Pettigrew. Sirius was too obvious, and Black himself only made them switch so they'd be protected better. People would never suspect poor lil Peter as the Secret Keeper; no they thought it was Black. It turns out Peter was the spy, and the bloody rat sold out your parents to Voldemort. When Black found out, he hunted Peter down, and cornered him in the middle of a muggle street. Before he could say a word, Peter started yelling about How Sirius betrayed James and Lily, and before Black could say a word, Peter blasted the street apart, cut off his finger, and transformed into a rat. Sirius was framed, and I know where Peter is. Dumbles is keeping your inheritance from you too. And I hate to tell you this Harry, but I heard Ron and Hermione plotting to get rid of me, and brainwashing you." She explained, sighing and looking away. She waited for the rebuttal, and the expect Finite Incantium. "Makes sense." She heard him say, and she whipped around, staring at him. "You believe me?" She croaked, staring wide eyed at him. He nodded smirking. "Well, let's make some plans then." She cackled evilly, her insane smirk planted on her face.

"Harry, I need to talk to you." Came Ron's voice, as Harry prepared for bed. "What about Ron?" Harry asked calmly, ignoring the anger dragon in his chest roar. "Sparrow. Why do you hang out with her? She's a bloody spell, and I've heard her plotting against Dumbledore! She's evil mate!" Ron cried confidently, inwardly smirking. "Ron, you're just imagining it, she's been with me like all the time!" Harry groaned exasperatedly, turning to look at him. "And another thing, stop pretending you're bloody American Harry! It's bloody annoying!" Ron growled, starting to get angry. "Ron, are ya jealous or somthin? Cuz ya sure actin like it!" Harry asked, feigning concern. Ron just shook his head, and stalked back to his own bed. From the confines of his bed, Harry smirked. Stage one was a go.

Snape realized someone was following around the castle, as he did his rounds. "Who's there?" He called coldly, and to his surprise, Mira stepped out of the shadows. The color of her hair, skin, and clothes was even more pronounced now. "Hello Prof Snape. I have need to speak with you." She said quietly, her violet eyes as hard as ice. He nodded, and they ducked into a empty classroom. The patronus sat on the desk, and stared at him. "You know what I am planning." It was a statement, not a question. He nodded slowy, suspicious. " I take it you know the truth about Black?" She asked softly, her eyes suddenly worried. Severus snorted. "Of course. Black and Potter were like brothers. There is no way he'd betray them." She smiled coldly, and he stepped back. "When I am fully corporeal, I am going to retrieve Harry, Sirius, Remus, and you from here. I know of your nature Snape, and I have a place where you will never have to spy, be tortured, or listen to the old fool again. I will inform you when it is time." She stated coldly, smirking. Mira got up, and swept out, leaving him speculative.

Mira entered the boy dorm quietly, making no sound. She headed for Weasely's bed, and looked around. Aha. She found what she was looking for, took it, and left, but not before leaving a note on Harry's bed.

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I really don't like Hermione and Ron, or Dumbles either. Just ta let ya know. REVIEW OR DIE. IT'S REALLY SIMPLE. 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I ONLY OWN MIRA, I DON'T OWN DARE THAT'S GORRILLAZ, I DON'T DEFINETLY OWN HARRY POTTER, THAT'S JKROWLINGS, I DON'T OWN HOLIDAY THAT'S GREEN DAYS, DON'T OWN AMERICAN IDIOT THAT'S GREEN DAYS, DON'T OWN BOULVARD OF BROKEN DREAMS THAT'S GREEN DAYS.

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" HARRY!" Mira yelled, effectively waking said boy up. "Wha.. What is it Mira?" Harry yawned, sitting up. " I'm almost corporeal!" She whispered happily, grinning as she gestured to herself. Harry gasped, it was true. Mira was almost fully colorful. "But, moving onto more important things! Like our prank for today!" she chirped, grinning like a loon. Harry grinned back, and they slipped out of the dorm, to set everything up. 

Breakfast was going on, normal as usual when it happened. The entrance doors burst open, and fog rolled in. Harry and Mira strolled in, only they were dressed like punks. "Hello Hogwarts, We took the liberty of providing some entertainment! Now please welcome, GREEN DAY!" Mira yelled, summoning something. A huge stage came into view, with four guys on it. They were standing still, even though almost all the muggle bornes had run up to the stage, screaming in glee. Suddenly one guy moved, and they started playing. One guy came up to a micro phone, and began to sing, "_Don't want to be an American idiot.  
Don't want a nation under the new media  
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?  
The subliminal mind fuck America.  
Welcome to a new kind of tension.  
All across the alien nation.  
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.  
Television dreams of tomorrow.  
We're not the ones meant to follow.  
For that's enough to argue.  
Well maybe I'm the faggot America.  
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.  
Now everybody do the propaganda.  
And sing along to the age of paranoia.  
Welcome to a new kind of tension.  
All across the alien nation.  
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.  
Television dreams of tomorrow.  
We're not the ones meant to follow.  
For that's enough to argue.  
Don't want to be an American idiot.  
One nation controlled by the media.  
Information age of hysteria.  
It's calling out to idiot America.  
Welcome to a new kind of tension.  
All across the alien nation.  
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.  
Television dreams of tomorrow.  
We're not the ones meant to follow.  
For that's enough to argue!" _The whole hall was cheering, even some of the teachers were. But Dumbledore was frowning, the twinkle in his eyes gone. " That was American Idiot ya bitches! And now, my good friend Billy Joe is gonna play some more songs! How does that sound?" Mira yelled, slinging an arm around Billy Joe who grinned at her. The students roared in approval. "Allllllriiiight Billy Joe! How bout HOLIDAY!" She yelled, jumping off as the band began to play. "_Say, Hey!  
Hear the sound of the falling rain  
Coming down like an Armageddon flame (Hey!)  
The shame  
The ones who died without a name  
Hear the dogs howling out of key  
To a hymn called "Faith and Misery" (Hey!)  
And bleed, the company lost the war today  
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies  
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives  
On holiday  
Hear the drum pounding out of time  
Another protestor has crossed the line (Hey!)  
To find, the money's on the other side  
Can I get another Amen? (Amen!)  
There's a flag wrapped around a score of men (Hey!)  
A gag, a plastic bag on a monument  
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies  
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives  
On holiday  
(Hey!)  
(Say, Hey!)  
"The representative from California has the floor"  
Zieg Heil to the president gasman  
Bombs away is your punishment  
Pulverize the Eiffel towers  
Who criticize your government  
Bang bang goes the broken glass and  
Kill all the fags that don't agree  
Trials by fire, setting fire  
Is not a way that's meant for me  
Just cause, just cause, because we're outlaws yeah!  
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies  
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives  
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies  
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives  
This is our lives on holiday_…." Billy Joe sang, grinning like a loon. "Damn everyone, now you know why America rocks! WE have the best bands! Billy Joe, show them what we got!" Mira hollered, beaming at the lead singer. The lights dimmed, and Billy Joe grabbed the microphone stand. "This song, I'd like to dedicate to my good friend Mira and her friend, for me it's their theme song." He announced, immediately causing Dumbledore to worry. The guitars started, and few people gasped. "_I walk a lonely road  
The only one that I have ever known  
Don't know where it goes  
But it's home to me and I walk alone  
I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
and I'm the only one and I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk a...  
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah  
I'm walking down the line  
That divides me somewhere in my mind  
On the border line  
Of the edge and where I walk alone  
Read between the lines  
What's fucked up and everything's alright  
Check my vital signs  
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk a...  
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah  
I walk alone  
I walk a...  
I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk a...  
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone..." _A few people were crying, and the band, stage, and fog disappeared. Mira glared at Dumbledore, then led a slightly down looking harry out of the hall.

Harry picked at his food miserably. Mira had disappeared, and he had no idea where she was. Suddenly, the entrance doors burst open. "HARRY IT'S HAPPENING!" Mira yelled, floating in. Her form was glowing, and there was a flash of light. Everyone could feel the immensely powerful aura floating aroundthe light. When itcleared, a girlwas there.She was crouched on the floor, her hair hiding her face. Slowly, she stood up. Everyone gasped. Her violet eyes glimmered with insanity, her phoenix red hair flowed to her waist in a silky waterfall, her body was curved in all the right places. She cricked her neck, sighing, and many shuddered at her aura of power. "Alright. Mira Sparrow is back in fucking business!" She announced, grinning. "Mira…" Harry whispered, throughly shocked, realizing the girl was at least 17 years old. She threw out her wrist, and pushed a button on a bracelet that she suddenly had. There were two flashes of bright light, and when the lights cleared, many gasped. Two men, the same age as Mira, stood in front of her. The amazing thing was, they were identical to her. "Neil, Ian!" Mira cried, drawing the two into a tight bear hug.

"Ack Mira we can't breathe!" One of the men choked, his cloak disappearing. He wore all black, and a tattoo was visible on his arm. She let them go, and the other man's cloak disappeared too. He wore all white. With a snap of Mira's fingers, she wore all grey. "Damn I've missed you two! How are things at HQ?" She asked cheerfully. "Good, good. Rosemary the Naga is finally social. And the nundu kittens are teething, as Ian can tell quite well!" The man in black summarized, smirking a snape-like smirk at the man in white. "Shut up Neil! At least I don't have a gay unicorn after my ass!" The man Ian yelled, hitting the man Neil over the head with a random red herring. "Where the hell did you get a herring?" Neil yelped, giving Ian a snape-like glare. Ian blinked, "Honestly I have no idea." Mira laughed, and the two turned back to her. "All right you two, enough horsing around," She giggled, before turning cold and solemn. "We've got a job to do, remember?" She growled, and the three obvious triplets turned dark. "Ian, you retrieve the Dog Star. Neil, get the Lupe. I'll get the Raven and The Storm." She ordered, and they disappeared in a flash of violently red light. The same light appeared over at Snape and Harry, and both males disappeared.

Harry awoke to a dark room. "Agggghh…" He groaned, sitting up. He was in a bed, a comfy one. He was wearing silk pajamas and no socks. He got out of the bed, and stumbled to the door. He opened it, and gasped. Mira stood outside, in a leather jacket, black jeans, and a red shirt. She grinned, and threw out her hand gesturing at the sight before him. "Welcome Harry….To Atlantis!" She announced, smiling at him.

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WOOT. Atlantis! holler back yo! PLEASE REVIEW! 


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